Chastity: What Are The Limits?

This is SUCH a good lesson about setting limits! I love the examples and the presentation is such a great way to keep interest! If you have teens, or tweens, this is Perfect! Heck, it's perfect for adults and can apply to all areas in our lives where limits need to be set! LOVE IT!

HOW? WHEN? WHY? Teaching Children About Sex part 2

(If you missed Part 1, check it out HERE)

I am sorry it has taken me a few extra days to get to this. Life has been crazy busy, and I knew that I needed to be able to focus completely on this post as I wrote it.

So, I told you I would tell you more about the discussion that Jake and I had. How I answered his questions, what to say, etc.

I want you to know that I believe there is a fine line between too much information and too little. I silently prayed for guidance throughout our entire discussion. Knowing how to say things to him, what to say and when to stop.

When Ryan and I were first married we were given a book called "Between a Husband and a Wife". I don't remember the specific words, but I remember the description they gave of sexual relations between a husband and wife. They presented it as a gift from a loving Father in Heaven. Something that could bring a greater closeness and companionship to the couple.

I remember thinking that I didn't ever want to raise my children thinking that sex was bad, evil or wrong. IT isn't. The timing can be, but sexual relations in and of themselves are a sacred and special gift. Meant to be shared between a husband and a wife.

I remember one of my sisters telling me once that it is hard to go throughout your entire life thinking that sex is bad and should be avoided and then one day you get married and suddenly it is great and wonderful. It was hard to shut off the years of learning the opposite and feel good about it all of the sudden. That made a lot of sense to me.  I wonder how many of us feel uncomfortable with this aspect of marriage for that very reason.

So, I began by talking to Jake about how our bodies were created. We talked about women's bodies and the miraculous design and ability we have to create life within our own bodies. We talked about what a uterus is, ovaries, menstruation, why it all happens...you name it. I explained and he would ask questions.

Then we talked about a man's body. We talked about puberty, the creation of sperm and it's purpose, we talked about erections, everything.

I tried to approach this part of our discussion...well, all of the discussion, with a sense of the miraculous and perfect design that God created in our bodies. How special and amazing they are. How Heavenly Father planned everything out perfect. That when we feel like these things are dirty or wrong that is the adversary trying to weaken or distort the miraculous and sacred nature of all of it.

Next we talked about sex. I felt the best and easiest way for him to process it was to tell him that a man and a woman's body are created to fit perfectly together, like a puzzle. Neither one is complete without the other. He asked specific questions to clarify how it all works and I gave him straight forward and honest answers.

Then he said, "Well, that's life changing".

Hahaha! I laughed so hard. The subject can be heavy, but I was trying so hard to keep it matter of fact and light. "Well, that's life changing" became the theme of the discussion. He used it a few more times! :)

I told him that it is important to know that Heavenly Father created our bodies this way so that we can
1) create life and have children and
2) as a way to express love and deepen our bond in our relationship.

The intimacy of the subject weighed heavily upon him. I used this opportunity to ask him if that helped him understand why Heavenly Father wanted us to wait until we were married to experience these things.

Of course he peppered me with questions like, "Have you and Dad done that?" (which would seem obvious since he IS our child. This was another "Life Changing" moment for him). I really tried to encourage him to ask questions. This did two things. It helped him express and have his curiosity satisfied, but most importantly it gave me a really good idea of where he was at throughout the discussion. When he asked, "Where would people do this, like hiding behind curtains or something?", it helped me understand that he was still feeling like it was a bad thing, or something that people would sneak to do. We cleared that up.

There came a point, after a lot of questions and answers, that I felt a peace. A sort of knowing that it was enough, for now. Jake had asked all he wanted to and the subject was starting to change in our conversation. I quickly told him that I knew that it would be on his mind a lot over the next few days, because it was a lot of big information. I told him that if he had any additional questions come up, I would be there to answer them at anytime. I also told him that it was very important that he didn't talk to his friends about all he had learned. I asked if he thought it was helpful that all of this information came from his parent. He definitely thought so. I asked if he thought it would be good that his friend learn from their own parents. He totally agreed that would be best. I told him to remember that it is a sacred thing and not something that we talk to everyone about. However, he was more than welcome to ask me or Dad any questions that he had and we would answer them honestly. I did tell him that if the subject comes up again at school that he should encourage his friends to ask their parents, tell them it wasn't bad and it helped, and then change the subject.

I do have to tell you that at some point during the discussion I asked Jake why he didn't tell me what he had heard when he first started hearing it. His response was that he was worried that he would be in trouble.

This opened up a great opportunity to teach him about the promptings of the spirit. I asked if it made sense that he would be in trouble for something he heard on the playground. He said no. I helped him to understand that the feelings of uneasiness he had while listening was the spirit telling him that what he was hearing was not right and that he shouldn't take part in the conversation. The feeling of "Don't tell your parents, you will get in trouble" comes from the adversary. He, of course, does not want him to get the right information. The horrible things he learned that day, swirling around in his head, had potential to do a lot of damage.

Over the next couple of days questions came here and there. Just little clarifications. One of the days we felt prompted to talk about masturbation. Ryan spear headed this one. Straight forward and simple. Perfect. We talked about how Heavenly Father designed our bodies to feel good when they are touched, but those feelings are to be saved until we are married. He explained the specifics and again, we felt that the proper amount of information had been shared.

Over the last couple of years there has been an addition here or there, in information. It is difficult for anyone to tell you when your child is ready for any specific information. You are their parent and know them best. You will feel it. But PLEASE don't think that your children are not exposed to discussion and false information on the playground and at school. They are. Yes, children seem to be younger and younger as they are learning about these things, but no matter there age it is ALWAYS best that it comes from you! Let that idea be what it takes to help you feel comfortable having this discussion!

Thoughts, feelings, success stories, worries, questions......JOIN THE DISCUSSION HERE

HOW? WHEN? WHY? Teaching Children About Sex part 1

Oh, are we ever getting into the thick of it!

I have felt for a LONG time that this post needs to happen. That was only confirmed when I was dealing with my son and his bullying problem at school. I am passionate about being an advocate for my children. This is yet another way that we must stand up and lead them.

This post is going to come in two parts. There is a lot to cover, but the digestion might be the hardest part! :)

Some of you are going to be a little uncomfortable reading this. However, I want you to know that I believe this is SO very vital! Also, I want your input. I want to hear what you think. With the fabulous forum up, there will be a link below to the discussion on this post. I really want to hear your thoughts, ideas, things that have worked for you, questions, worries, anything!

Here we go!

How many of you had "THE TALK" when you were growing up? Did your parents sit you down and tell you all about sex? Did you learn it from someone at school? I think most, if not all, of us remember the very first time we learned about it.

A bishop in our a ward we used to be in called a "Mandatory Adult Meeting". He didn't give the subject. We were all curious! I think every adult in the ward was there. The topic: Sex and Pornography. YOUCH! I can't imagine how he felt before the meeting! :) He wanted to drive home the importance of the avoidance and damage pornography can bring into our lives and impress upon all of us how important it is for us to teach our children about sex. In that entire room, when asked, only 3 people raised their hands to say that their parents had taught them about it. WOW! I am glad to say that I was one of the 3. My Mom was incredibly comfortable answering our questions and teaching us. What a service to us!

Let me tell you about an experience I had with Jake, my now 10 year old.

About 2 years ago, when Jake was in 3rd grade, we were both in his room. I think I was helping him organize his toys or something like that. All of the sudden I had a very strong impression that I needed to ask Jake if he had heard anything about sex at school or anywhere.

Up to this point Jake and I had very small talks. Answering little questions here and there, but nothing with that much detail.

I asked.

Jake said, "No."

"Well, would you like to know what it is?", I asked.

"OK." He said.

I start by saying, "When a man and woman decide they want to have a baby...."

He cut me off, "I know how babies are made."

So, I asked him to tell me what he knows. Now, I will tell you that I am not an easy person to shock. But this kid knocked my socks off. A wealth of horribly wrong and damaging information poured out of him like it had been waiting to be released. UGH! The stuff that he told me. A boy on the playground had been unloading filth, that I would not burden you with, on my boys ears. Simple terms like "Make Out" included descriptions that we would consider rape. I'm not kidding. The kid had been mislead and burdened with a view of sex that was as far from what I knew to be true as it possibly could be.

This is where I want to tell you....if you are afraid or uncomfortable with this subject, I am SURE that it is vital that you GET comfortable, or at least fake it really good. No wonder children are so mislead, curious and experimenting so early!

I have heard from many people that they feel uncomfortable because of a lot of different reasons. One of those reasons is that parents think that by talking to our kids, especially when they are young invites new thoughts and curiosity.

Can I submit that I believe that the opposite is true. AND it depends entirely upon delivery.

When we as parents do not bring up the subject, and our kids are peppered with description at school, we only confirm the secretive or shady nature of the subject. Kids are left to let their imaginations wander. To try to figure out the feelings they experience when they talk or hear about the details...the very murky and misguided details.

Likewise when we act uncomfortable when questions are asked or we pull away in anyway, we confirm that this subject is unapproachable or bad.

Through my experience, appropriately answering questions, using correct terminology and a different approach to sex, like seeing it as a possitive, yet sacred gift, that is meant to be saved to share between a husband and a wife, can turn curiosity off, invite peace and give your child a sense of confidence, both in themselves and in your relationship. When you can approach such a tough subject, answer questions honestly and openly and teach the way it should be taught, YOU become their source to go to for information. Which based on what my son had learned, is a REALLY big deal!

Now, one more thing, before we really get into it, I am passionate about my hubby and I being a source of information for our children. If they hear it from us first, it gives them the power to know truth from false information when it is presented to them in other situations. They also know that when they hear things they questions they are free to discuss any of it with us.

Here is the thing. The adversary, or Satan, wants to corrupt and mislead these sweet innocent children of ours. What if my 10 year old knows the definition of pornography and he immediately recognizes it if presented with it? Because of the talks we have had something triggers in his mind. "Oh, I know what this is! My parents told me all about it! They told me that it is a dangerous and deadly trap. That it is one of satans greatest tools and they told me to avoid it like the plague." Then he makes his choice. What choice is he more likely to make? Don't you think that knowing the evil plot behind the images deadens the effects a bit?! I tend to hope so!

What if I decided that this subject was far too uncomfortable and I didn't bring it up. He stumbles upon it. Sees it and his curiosity over takes him. Images are imprinted in his mind that will never leave. What if the feelings that occur within his body are totally unexpected and his curiosity is sent spiraling out of control? The trap is set....and he falls into it easily. Curiosity drives him to seek out more of the same.

Having the information before hand, knowing how his body and feelings would react and knowing that is part of the very trap set, recognizing the source and not wanting anything to do with that, will give him an amazing amount of strength!

Are you squirming yet?! Well, tomorrow I am going to go into the conversation that Jake and I had. I am going to give you all the detail that I gave and how I gave them to him. I will also tell you a few of the things that I have learned that made all of this easier to do. There IS such thing as too much information and their is also too little. When I tell you that we spoke to him about everything, I mean it. From pornography to sex to masturbation. All covered!

Now honestly, I would LOVE to discuss this! Make sure you head over to the forum.
THIS is the link to the discussion.

If you haven't registered for the forum yet, get going! There is a $100 and a $35 Visa Gift Card up for grabs, people! And that is just before Christmas! Click HERE for more information!