So, I am back home. Trying to adjust. Trying to unpack. Trying to pack all of Dawsons things away. Trying not to cry...too much.
Yes, it is an adjustment. The last couple of days I have wanted to hold my Little D so bad. I miss the weight of him on my shoulder and his little lippers on my neck saying "Buh Buh Buh".
However, his presence is felt. Almost constantly. I love that! I must say that in the days since my sweet sons passing I have really gotten to KNOW him. Oh, I thought I knew just how amazing he was. I was wrong. He is more than that! My sweet hubby put it best when he said thinking about D makes the mountains seem small.
So here is the thought I have had since the funeral that I want you to ponder until I can gather myself enough to get back to the other things....hopefully in the next day or two.
Many times since Dawson's passing I have thought about who he truly is. I now we treated him well, but I find myself thinking how amazing it would be if I could know him like this, and THEN go back and do it all over again. Really honoring who he is. Feeling that constantly in our home.
Then the thought occured to me...."What is stopping you from believing that ALL children carry within them something amazing. Something sacred. Something pure and Christlike. Something WE are supposed to learn FROM THEM?"
"Think on that for a moment", as a dear dear man I once knew would say. Really pause and think about the spirits that live within your children, your siblings, your neices and nephews, your grandchildren. Do we treat our children like they are SPECIAL TO THE LORD? Because they are, you know, SPECIAL TO THE LORD.
My little Mally has struggles ahead. Struggles that will try the patience of her far from perfect parents. So, here is the thought I choose to have about the spirit that inhabits her tiny frame:
Perhaps there was a conversation that went something like this, "Father, Dawson and I both need to go to my parents. Dawson must go through much that will cause their hearts to ache. They will need comfort at times. Something to smile about when it seems there is nothing worth smiling over. Something to soften the bumps on a very bumpy road. Something to hold tight when they must let him return to home. Please let me go at the same time...WITH DAWSON. I could do all of those things."
Maybe the reply came something like, "Sweet Sweet Mallory. I know you could ease burdens that seem unbearable. However, we know that Dawson will arrive quite early. His body will be weak and suffer much pain. It will be difficult. If you want to go, you will also arrive early. Therefore the body you will inherit will not be whole. It will be hard, very hard."
And obviously, IF this were a conversation that took place, Mallory would accept. Happily. She would do it, because she loved us, because she loved our family, and because she loved Dawson.
Interesting isn't it. The thought of our children loving us so much they would sacrifice by submitting to seemingly impossible trials, if it meant through their faithfulness they could help us remember who we are and WHO we came from and give us a glimpse of what we are blessed enough to return to?!
It is interesting when you go through experiences when your children pass through trials that teach you WAY MORE than you could ever teach them. Humbling really.
So, the challenge....think about it. What if we treat our children like they are noble? What if we remind ourselves, when patience seems short, that THEY CHOSE US. Stop and think about who they are and what they were sent to do, and if what you are doing is helping them acheive it. Because one day, we WILL know who they are.
Surely they are our greatest blessings!